Ugh.. Life!

So these days haven't been the easiest! I have been going months without a car, finally I get one and of course it runs like CRAP!! It gets me to work and home, and a few other places..I'm grateful!!

I landed a great job in July, couldn't be happier. And to think I would end up in the dentistry field..who woulda thunk?! :) Of course with the good comes bad, which is where I add in that Ricky was laid off from his job around the same time! So of course after 4 years of being a stay at home mom I get a great job with decent pay..and he loses his job of excellent pay. Why can't we ever just break even? I'm not even asking to get ahead for gracious sake!!

The one job leads me into Christmas for 2012. Of course we always ALWAYS want to give Xavier everything he ever needs and could ever want. One income doesn't leave much room for the needs, let alone the wants. I have a total of 2 presents in my trunk for him and Christmas is exactly ONE week away!!! I know gifts don't make Christmas, but come on he is five years old and deserves the world. I love this kid more than anyone could ever love anything & Ricky feels the same for him, but we just want to give him everything we can. I guess with that said.. we are giving him everything we can at this point. I just wish we could wake up Christmas morning and have a priceless face to look at, WAIT!!!    WE DOO!!!!

Next on my list to vent about... my weight!! I was always the skinny cheerleader. The 'hot' one that girls never always hated. Then, I met this guy who I now call my hubby..& I gained around 12 lbs..big deal right?! Not so much until my mom made me take the dreaded trip to the GYNO to get checked, which led to birth control. Of course, I chose the depo bc I couldn't forget about taking it and I would have no cycle.. yay! NOT :(  I took one shot, bled for a year straight & ... drumroll please= gained 85 lbs!!!  Holy hell was I upset.. but I lost most of the weight and automatically became pregnant with our now 5 yr old little devil LOL. So I gained some weight & lost more than all of it after having him. Then somehow I gained it back..and then some. I have always just ignored my weight issues..of course I complained about being fat and looking nasty. Ricky always said I looked beautiful, but if I wasn't happy then do something about it. Well I thought to myself, " if he can stand to look at me naked I'm happy"  WRONG!!  So here I am at 216 lbs... UNHAPPY and now ready to be skinny, sexy and one hot mama. WISH ME LUCK!!!

Until next time... <3

I haven't done this in FOREVER!!

It has been so long since I last posted a blog. I just felt as though I didn't really have the time to sit and write about things that already occured in my life. Recently, I have a had an urge to start a journal and thought "why not just start my blog back up?" so here I am. Lets see if I can keep up with it this time. Maybe I can even get alittle better at capturing moments with my camera, although, all I do is work so I'm rarely anywhere but there.

So much has happened this year, but I will write about a few things that have touched me and helped to make me be the new person I am today!






My husband & I have now suffered through our 6 baby being lost. We have finally come to the conclusion that we are meant to have our family of 3. Xavier was sent to us to be our one and only baby. I always NEVER thought I would be able to say I was okay with having no more babies, but at this point I would rather live to see Xavier grow and have his own family! I can't continue to chance leaving this world behind because I was selfish. I know that I will always look at pregnant women and wonder why I can't have that...I will always see newborn babies and smile with a tear forming in my eye. At the end of the day, I just want what is best for my son and my husband, that is me being here.

We recently lost a great friend of ours just this past week. We had become alittle distant over the past fews years. He did his own thing and of course we did the family thing. Wayne had recently reached out to both Ricky & I for advise and help. Of course we were both there for him in our own ways to help him, talk to him and of course just to listen to him. He was a deeply hurt person who just wanted to do best for his son. Unfortunately, no matter what you said to him, he never felt better about himself. I received a text from Ricky that he had taken his life and I felt as if I couldn't breathe. This man always seemed so happy, always had a smile on his face. Just goes to show that looks are deceiving!! There is not a day that goes by I don't think about him, miss him and picture his face. R.I.P my Red Lobster.. your Tasty Kakes will miss you!!